Ten Crappiest Mother's Day Gifts:
Tomorrow is Mother's Day so if you are just now shopping, chances are you might opt for one of the worst (last minute) Mother's Day gifts.
Tomorrow, most of you will be celebrating mother's day and honoring the most important woman in your world (face it ladies if you're married to a man who worships his mom, your gift may fall in the worst category).
My mom is the most important woman in my world, but if my husband feels the same about his own mom, he won't be getting lucky tomorrow night (or any other night this month).
Listen up men: Even if your mommy is the most important woman in your life- lie...yup, you heard me...lie to your wife and tell her that she is, by far, the most important woman in the world. Believe me, you will enjoy a less stressful Sunday afternoon, if you do it the right way.
Okay, on to the top ten crappiest Mother's day gifts. This list includes gifts from adults to their moms, gifts bought by dad, for the kiddos to give mom, and gifts by any person to any mom, grandmother, god-mother or step-monster-mother. Alright, if your step-mum is a monster...go ahead, you have my permission to give her a gift from this list.
10. A Coupon Book- full of wonderful gestures and treats, such as a day of sleeping in, a clean house, etc., that you will never-ever-ever honor. Do not waste the $5-10 bucks on this gimmick. We moms will smile and say thank you, when we open the coupon book, all-the-while- screaming on the inside, because we know that the coupons will never be honored. The only useful purpose for this book: an alternative to toilet paper when mom forgets to restock because we never got our promised day of rest.
9. A Gym Membership: C'mon, we'd rather you slap us in the face or spit breast milk in our coffee . Nothing says I love you, Mommy you're fat, better than a piece of paper entitling the recipient to get off her ass and work out. Okay, it could be worse. You could give us one of those free trial memberships to a gym. Now, you've not only insulted us, you've spent absolutely zero dineros on us and you've added our name, address and email to Mr. Spam. I'm really feeling loved and appreciated now.
8. Stay away from infomercials, especially the one that offers to easily stretch the waist band of our clothes. Need I say more?
7. A pre-paid Membership to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers.
We don't care if you had the best intentions under the sun. Just don't do it. And please don't exacerbate the insult by telling us the first month was free (to you), but will begin appearing on our credit card statement at the beginning of June.
6. A Moose Pattern Christmas Sweater: Or anything with a moose pattern. First of all it's downright ugly. Secondly, we know you didn't shop for us, you re-gifted your ugliest leftover Christmas gift.
5. Pink Flamingo Yard Ornaments
Or any other tacky yard decoration that you picked up at the corner garage sale on your way over to wish mom a Happy Mother's Day. Chances are, we passed the same house thirteen times this weekend, popped over to the garage sale and we also noticed the ugly pink flamingos that had been discarded to the free~give~a~way pile of junk that didn't sell.
4. Designer, Decorative, Plush, Crappy, Ugly, Repulsive Toilet Bowl Seat or Cover
No! Just no. Don't do it. The only thing worse than the gift itself, is our guilty-mom need to actually use said, ugly- hideous gift, so you will see how much we love it.
3. A Snuggie:
You know what I'm talking about, those ...as seen on t.v...., snuggies, that cover you from head to toe. If we're that damn cold, we'll turn down the air, or turn up the heat, however you choose to say it. And don't think you are exempt from the hideous- tacky gift, just because you opted for the Zebra or Cheetah print. No, that does not upgrade an ugly red Snuggie to a stylish fab Snuggie.
2. Any Gift or Item that Still has the Security Tag Attached:
We might give you the benefit of the doubt (depending on gifts from previous years, other occasions, and your criminal rap sheet), but even if we do, we will not take the gift back to the store and ask them to remove the security tag. It ain't gonna happen.
1. A How To Video: How to Successfully Remove A Security Tag:
We will no longer give you the benefit of the doubt for gift number 2
How about it moms; what's the absolute worst mother's day gift you ever received? What about the best?
And you too, kiddos- what's the worst gift you ever gave mom for Mother's Day? Don't be shy, share it with us. We want to see the crappiest gift ever given to a mom.
